I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
