wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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