Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
