Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
