____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
