I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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