I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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