Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
