just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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