I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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