I should be sponsored by Trojan
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize