glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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