It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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