I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
