someone threw a dead crab at me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
