Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
