Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
