tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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