you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
