I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
