I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
