Do you still have your period?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
