I am midnight drunk by noon
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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