I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
