my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need a beard to bite.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
