So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
