Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
