I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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