Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
