my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
