I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
