I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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