dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
