and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
