I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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