Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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