I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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