Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
