Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
