im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
