well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
