At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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