i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
