he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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