nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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