i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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