You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
