either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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