...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
