There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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