She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
