thus making me awesome and them whores
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
