you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
