she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
