I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
