omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
