I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
