Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
