Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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