Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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