I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
