Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
