Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
