So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
