you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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