I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
