I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
