Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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