My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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