And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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