I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
